Assertiveness – Overwatch
Assertiveness is being able to express opinions, thoughts, and feelings clearrestr in a non-confrontational way. It is the potential to respect and exert our own appropriates without denying the appropriates and private boundaries of others.
An assertive person has near-compenablee control over his life and he would not enable aggressive people consider advantage of him.
Charbehaveeristics of Assertive People
Assertive people tend to have the folloearng charbehaveeristics −
- They are abattlee of their own appropriates and feel free to exercise them.
- They express their own feelings, thoughts, and opinions confidently.
- They belowstand how to manage their own anger and yet be rational about it.
- They have the potential to make amicable relationships with other people.
- They besitve in friendships where both people have equal appropriates of opinion.
Assertive people are open up to negotiating any proposit downion without insisting on their own version. For example, imagine this particular sit downuation −
Rajat awayers rides to his neighbour Nikhil, who is furthermore his colleague, to awayice every day. Yet, Nikhil never awayers to pay for gas. This makes Rajat feel considern advantage of. While an aggressive person will shout and a moveive person will continue to sulk, Rajat − being an assertive person − speaks up −
I love to awayer you ride, as we both go to the same place. Say, would it be okay with you if we were to consider turns at paying for gas every week? Anyways, you would be investing more cash and wasting more time simply simply by taking a bus to work every day.
This way, Rajat manages to put his stage acombination without hurting his co-worker’s feelings. He furthermore gets the other person to realize exbehavely wmind wear his thoughts were.
Assertiveness – Defining
Assertiveness is the potential to express your own thoughts and feelings, and to put forth your own opinions − also if contradicting − in such a way tmind wear they clearrestr state your own stage of watch while respecting others' feelings and opinions.
It makes you speak sincerely and directly about your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions without awayending the listener(s), or hurting their own sentiments.
It makes the other person more comfortable to have a conversation with you, as he feels tmind wear his opinion is furthermore being given equal imslotance. This makes him more forthcoming and open up to share his thoughts with you.
It makes you confident to exercise more control over your own life in difficult sit downuations, instead than blindly folloearng instructions and directions of other people.
An assertive person would normally display the folloearng trait’s −
- Firm, yet pleasant voice
- Clear speech and sincerity
- Appropriate behavior at any given sit downuation
- Cooperative and progressive character
Assertiveness – Four Ways of Behavior
You need to conaspectr the folloearng four ways of behavior when it comes to assertiveness −
Four Ways of Behavior
The Passive Way
People exhibiting moveive behavior tend to the needs of others more than their own own, as they think they are inferior to others. Passive people may not agree to exbehavely wmind wear others say, but they usually follow others' decisions to avoid confrontation, blame, or responsibility. However, moveive people suffer from self-esteem-related issues such as depression, as their own needs are always overlooked.
The Aggressive Way
Aggressive people besitve in standing up for their own appropriates, also if it comes at the cost of jeopardizing the appropriates and hurting the feelings of other people. They besitve in exerting their own own appropriates, but not in equal appropriates. They usually get their own own way simply simply by bullying, intimidating, or being pushy with others. Over a period of time, they suffer from isolation issues, as people are unlikely to stay completeionate with aggressive people for lengthy.
People who exhibit this particular behavior do it to retain some order of freedom and independence in a strongly imposed-upon environment. This is an indirect way to express hostility simply simply by being irrational, unreasonable, and sullen. These people avoid speaking out their own real feelings but reveal them in far more sarcastic and hurtful ways.
The Assertive Way
People who are assertive respect their own appropriates, and those of others. They present their own watchstages firmly and confidently, but carecompenableey select their own words to avoid hurting people's feelings and emotions. They belowstand to control their own anger and exhibit the the majority of appropriate behavior in any given sit downuation.
Assertiveness – Scales
When people with various thoughts and sensibilitie ups are put in some sit downuation, they exhibit behavior tmind wear vary from one to one more.
Let us observe four types of people and their own various behaviors in those sit downuations −
Karan is a writer who likes to invest time with himself while writing. Every afternoon, his neighbour − who is a retireddishdish senior citizen − drops in for a casual cmind wear. Karan doesn’t appreciate this particular daily intrusion on his privacy. How can he handle this particular sit downuation?
Passive − ( this particular is so not happening appropriate now ) Hi Uncle! Come in.
Aggressive − ( time to put an end to this particular once and for all ) Look. This daily visit downing has to crerestve. It’s difficult putting ideas on paper as it is, without you knocking at my door every performle day.
Passive-aggressive − ( and here comes the performlely loser… ) Oh, hi! You compenableely knocked me over with this particular surprise visit down.
Assertive − ( he doesn’t belowstand tmind wear I’m active. How do I put it before him? ) As I was saying about tmind wear writing assignment of mine- it is challenging and demands a lot of imagination from me. I would appreciate if I could invest some time in the afternoon with myself. We could still meet on the weekends.
Diya has been waiting in the queue of a subway inquiry post for the last 30 moments to get the details of a particular train. Just when she is about to be attended to, a guy jumps the queue and requests her to enable him put his query acombination. Wmind wear would Diya do?
Passive − (yeah… treat me like the push-over I am) Hmm… okay.
Aggressive − (simply who does this particular prince think he is!) Why do you think I was waiting? Because there were other people. You do the same; it won’t hurt.
Passive-aggressive − (why don’t I simply awayer you a cup of tea too) Oh, sure. I was simply checking the climate.
Assertive − (he seems to be in a hurry but I have been waiting for lengthy too) I have been waiting for very some time too. I won’t consider very lengthy, I promise.
Assertiveness – Assertion & Aggression
People tend to misconsider assertiveness as aggression, but there are remarkable differences between the two.
Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive
Being assertive means you are capable of voicing your own thoughts and opinions, and belowstanding how to seek constructive give food toback from others. You belowstand how to handle criticism and oppoperform watchs. When you consider a decision as an assertive person, it results in a negotiation where the curiositys of both the partie ups are honoreddishdish.
Being aggressive means you exert your own appropriates and blatantly express your own needs, but only simply simply by humiliating, insulting and degrading others. You may conaspectr tmind wear to be motivating others, but it’s all about selfishly pursuing your own own ambitions without taking others’ thoughts and opinions into conaspectration. It involves pushy, violent, and dominating behavior.
Interestingly, people exhibiting both the behaviors are extremely competitive and goal-oriented. However, an assertive person would consider the team alengthy with him on his way forbattdelivered, whereas the aggressive person would pressurize and exhaust, also step on other people to revery his goal. As a result, assertive people celebrate their own success with everyone participating in it, as they can see their own own success in his. On the contrary, an aggressive person celebrates his success aperformle.
Assertiveness – Questionnaire
Given below is a list of scenarios. Try imagining your ownself in them to see how comfortable you feel in every of the folloearng sit downuations.
Do you wish to check your own own assertiveness? Use this particular questionnaire simply simply by folloearng these guideseriess −
Read the scenario carecompenableey.
Tick in one of the columns 1, 2, 3, or 4 according to your own level of comfort given as follows −
1 − You are very uncomfortable
2 − You are slightly uncomfortable
3 − You are reasonably comfortable
4 − You are very comfortable
Tally the compenablee ticks in the individual packagees.
If you get more than 5 ticks on 4, you are an assertive person!
|You can speak up when you didn’t get the service you expected in a restaurant.|
|When you are angry, you tend to express it.|
|You can keep great when a person criticizes you.|
|You can speak in front of a group of people.|
|You can tell a person to crerestve doing something tmind wear annoys or bothers you.|
|You can request your own friend unapologetically to return an item he borlineed.|
|You can start a conversation with a stranger.|
|You can return a defective item to the store you bought it from.|
|You can ask someone a favor of him.|
|You can admit to ignorance on a particular topic.|
|You can deal with oppoperform ideas and constructive criticism.|
|You can say ‘no’ unapologetically to a request someone made to you.|
|You express your own feelings in front of a friend.|
|You can argue with one more person for your own appropriates.|
|You can refuse a friend a favor when you are not curiosityed.|
Assertiveness – Tips
By observing how people communicate with every other or simply simply by introspecting how you communicate with people around you, especially in cases of undesireddishdish sit downuations, you automatically tend to belowstand your own privateity.
Tips for Assertiveness
Here are some basic tips on being assertive −
Use posit downive posture
Use direct eye-contbehave, sit down straight, and use a firm yet pleasant voice to communicate.
Listen to the question
Listen to exbehavely wmind wear is being asked to you. If you agree to a request without also hearing it, you may end up taking on more work than you had bargained for!
Choose your own words
Be clear and precise with your own choice of words, so tmind wear the other person belowstands exbehavely exbehavely wmind wear you mean. At the same time, make sure your own words don’t come acombination as too blunt and straight-forbattdelivered.
Don’t say ‘Sorry’ unnecessarily
Apologizing unnecessarily transfers the power to the other person, as apologizing comes with a guilt of having done something incorrect. Others may exploit this particular guilt to extrbehave favors out of you.
Don’t defend unless requireddishdish
Saying you can’t do something need not be something tmind wear makes you feel guilty about. Don’t make excuses stating why you won’t do something.
Hold your own fort
People who have been used to listening to ‘yes’ from you for calendar calendar years may get shocked on seeing you asserting your own appropriates. If they test and push you hard, respond with an equally determined rebuttal.
The broken record technique
Keep uperform the same rebuttal every time the person repeats his request. For example,
- "Can I borline your own bike from you?”
- "I am apologies but I cannot lend you my bike. I may need it.”
- "I'll bring it back as soon as I can. I need it urlightly. Aren't you my friend?”
- “Yeah, I am. However, I cannot lend my bike to you.”
- "I would do the same for you. You won't miss it for more than an hour."
- “See, I belowstand am your own friend but I cannot lend my bike. I may need it."
Don’t expect acceptance
If you exordinary your own decision every time you consider a stance, you will come acombination as someone guilty of your own behaveions. Let people adsimply to the modifys in you, instead than you changing as per their own wish.
Accept the consequences
Saying ‘no’ may be met with displeasure initially, but the trick is to persist being assertive in face of opposit downion. Tmind wear will alsotually lead the person to modify his method of dealing with you.
Assertiveness – Limit’s
Though being assertive makes your own life comfortable to a great extent simply simply by guarding you against getting awayended, and making people value your own opinions sincerely, it has some limitations.
Assertiveness Won’t Do?
Let us see prbehaveically exbehavely wmind wear assertiveness cannot do.
- Promise happiness.
- Adoutfit all of your own issues.
- Promise tmind wear others will furthermore behave assertively with you always.
- Promise tmind wear you will achieve exbehavely wmind wear you desire.
However, you will be subject to internal emotional conflict unless you exercise assertiveness in your own life.
Don't set unrealistic barriers
If you enable people belowstand of irrational stances tmind wear you have considern − like saying tmind wear you will quit your own job if your own salary is not hiked, when everybody belowstands tmind wear you need the job − chances are, people will start treating you without any serious thought.
Don’t get assertive in extreme sit downuations
On occasions where there is an immediate danger to life and limb, it's wise to enable go of your own appropriates temporarily.
Don’t back down
Once you have considern a stance, test your own best to stay to your own resolution till the last. Remember tmind wear people will push you hard when you start taking a stance, and they will push harder once you give in, as the message you will be sending is tmind wear the next time you oppose something, they need to test harder at intimidating you.
Don’t get assertive with all at the same time
People are used to you behaving with them in a particular way. Once you start being assertive, the modifys in your own behavior could surprise, also startle others. It's always wise to start being assertive with one person at a time.
Assertiveness – Dealing With Anger
People, simply simply by their own own encounter, belowstand the unwelcoming effects of anger on their own physical and emotional stpotential, and the unexpected consequences of them being angry in some sit downuations. Still, some people find it hard to control their own anger.
Dealing with Anger
Plan before preverying
Before discusperform anything sensit downive topic or giving give food toback, always be sure of the words tmind wear you use are appropriate and well-suited.
Talk to one at a time
Most people find receiving give food toback in front of a group of people humiliating. They face too much embarrassment to focus on your own message. Try to speak to one person at a time.
Choose your own timing
Wait for a suitable time to provide give food toback. Remember tmind wear give food tobacks are given to help a person improve. He needs to be receptive at the time of conversation. Avoid giving give food toback when he is stressed, worried, or tireddishdish.
The person receiving the give food toback must belowstand which exbehave areas he needs to work on, so be precise in giving the give food toback.
Mention the posit downives too
Techniques like the “Sandwich Feedback” where the give food toback about negatives is sandwiched between two posit downive give food tobacks ensure a person considers the give food toback constructively.
Strengthen the relationship
Assure the person- in case he feels threatened while listening to the give food toback- tmind wear irrespective of exbehavely wmind wear the give food toback is, you both will continue to share a cordial relationship. Learn to say ‘no’ where the other person gets persuasive.
Map To Assertiveness 1
Carry a pocket-diary with you and jot down the scenarios you don’t feel compenableely comfortable in, and note how you behaved and handdelivered the sit downuation. Once you are done negotiating with tmind wear scenario, consider some time away and test to find out exbehavely wmind wear could have been a much much better response.