Assertiveness – Overwatch
Assertiveness is end up beinging able to express opinions, thoughts, and feelings clearly in a non-confront sideational way. It is the capacity to respect and exert our own propers withaway denying the propers and personal boundaries of others.
An assertive person has near-compallowe control over his life and he would not allow aggressive people get advantage of him.
Charworkeristics of Assertive People
Assertive people tend to have the folloearng charworkeristics −
- They are aware of their propers and feel free to exercise all of them.
- They express their feelings, thoughts, and opinions confidently.
- They belowstand how to manage their anger and yet end up being rational abaway it.
- They have the capacity to create amicable relationships with other people.
- They end up beingrestve in friendships where both people have equal propers of opinion.
Assertive people are open to negotiating any kind of kind of proposit downion withaway insisting on their version. For example, imagine this particular particular sit downuation −
Rajat awayers rides to his neighbour Nikhil, who is furthermore his colleague, to awayice every day. Yet, Nikhil never awayers to pay for gas. This creates Rajat feel getn advantage of. While an aggressive person will shaway and a moveive person will continue to sulk, Rajat − end up beinging an assertive person − speaks up −
I love to awayer you ride, as we both go to the exact same place. Say, would it end up being okay with you if we were to get turns at paying for gas every week? Anyways, you would end up being spending more cash and wasting more time simply by tacalifornia ruler a bus to work every day.
This way, Rajat manages to place his stage across withaway hurting his co-worker’s feelings. He furthermore gets the other person to realize exworkly wmind wear his thoughts were.
Assertiveness – Defining
Assertiveness is the capacity to express your own thoughts and feelings, and to place forth your own opinions − furthermore if contradicting − in such a way tmind wear they clearly state your own stage of watch while respecting others' feelings and opinions.
It creates you speak sincerely and immediately abaway your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions withaway awayending the listener(s), or hurting their sentiments.
It creates the other person more comfortable to have a conversation with you, as he feels tmind wear his opinion is furthermore end up beinging given equal iminterfaceance. This creates him more forthcoming and open to share his thoughts with you.
It creates you confident to exercise more control over your own life in difficult sit downuations, instead than blindly folloearng instructions and immediateions of other people.
An assertive person would normally display the folloearng trait is −
- Firm, yet pleasant voice
- Clear speech and sincerity
- Appropriate end up beinghavior at any kind of kind of given sit downuation
- Cooperative and progressive character
Assertiveness – Four Ways of Behavior
You need to conaspectr the folloearng four ways of end up beinghavior when it comes to assertiveness −
Four Ways of Behavior
The Passive Way
People exhibiting moveive end up beinghavior tend to the needs of others more than their own, as they berestve they are inferior to others. Passive people may not concur to exworkly wmind wear others say, but they usually follow others' decisions to avoid confront sideation, blame, or responsibility. However, moveive people suffer from self-esteem-related issues such as depression, as their needs are always overlooked.
The Aggressive Way
Aggressive people end up beingrestve in standing up for their propers, furthermore if it comes at the cost of jeopardizing the propers and hurting the feelings of other people. They end up beingrestve in exerting their own propers, but not in equal propers. They usually get their own way simply by bullying, intimidating, or end up beinging pushy with others. Over a period of time, they suffer from isolation issues, as people are unlikely to stay devotionate with aggressive people for long.
People who exhibit this particular particular end up beinghavior do it to retain some order of freedom and independence in a strongly imposed-upon environment. This is an inimmediate way to express hostility simply by end up beinging irrational, unreasonable, and sullen. These people avoid speacalifornia ruler away their real feelings but reveal all of them in far more sarcastic and hurtful ways.
The Assertive Way
People who are assertive respect their propers, and those of others. They present their watchstages firmly and confidently, but carecompallowey select their words to avoid hurting people's feelings and emotions. They belowstand to control their anger and exhibit the the majority of appropriate end up beinghavior in any kind of kind of given sit downuation.
Assertiveness – Scales
When people with various thoughts and sensibiliconnects are place in some sit downuation, they exhibit end up beinghavior tmind wear vary from one to one more.
Let us observe four kinds of people and their various end up beinghaviors in those sit downuations −
Karan is a writer who likes to spend time with himself while writing. Every afternoon, his neighbour − who is a reticrimsondish senior citizen − falls in for a casual cmind wear. Karan doesn’t appreciate this particular particular daily intrusion on his privacy. How can he handle this particular particular sit downuation?
Passive − ( this particular particular is so not happening proper now ) Hi Uncle! Come in.
Aggressive − ( time to place an end to this particular particular once and for all ) Look. This daily visit downing has to pralsot. It’s difficult placeting ideas on paper as it is, withaway you knoccalifornia ruler at my door every single day.
Passive-aggressive − ( and here comes the singlely loser… ) Oh, hi! You compallowely knocked me over with this particular particular surprise visit down.
Assertive − ( he doesn’t belowstand tmind wear I’m occupied. How do I place it end up beingfore him? ) As I was saying abaway tmind wear writing assignment of mine- it is challenging and demands a lot of imagination from me. I would appreciate if I could spend some time in the afternoon with myself. We could still meet on the weekends.
Diya has end up beingen wait around arounding in the queue of a subway inquiry post for the final 30 moments to get the details of a particular train. Just when she is abaway to end up being attended to, a guy jumps the queue and requests her to allow him place his query across. Wmind wear would Diya do?
Passive − (yeah… treat me like the push-over I am) Hmm… okay.
Aggressive − (simply who does this particular particular prince berestve he is!) Why do you berestve I was wait around arounding? Because presently generally there were other people. You do the exact same; it won’t hurt.
Passive-aggressive − (why don’t I simply awayer you a cup of tea too) Oh, sure. I was simply checcalifornia ruler the weather conditions.
Assertive − (he seems to end up being in a hurry but I have end up beingen wait around arounding for long too) I have end up beingen wait around arounding for very some time too. I won’t get very long, I promise.
Assertiveness – Assertion & Aggression
People tend to misget assertiveness as aggression, but presently generally there are remarkable differences end up beingtween the 2.
Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive
Being assertive means you are capable of voicing your own thoughts and opinions, and knoearng how to seek constructive give food toback from others. You belowstand how to handle criticism and opposing watchs. When you get a decision as an assertive person, it results in a negotiation where the interests of both the parconnects are honocrimsondish.
Being aggressive means you exert your own propers and blatantly express your own needs, but only simply by humiliating, insulting and degrading others. You may conaspectr tmind wear to end up being motivating others, but it’s all abaway selfishly pursuing your own own ambitions withaway tacalifornia ruler others’ thoughts and opinions into conaspectration. It involves pushy, violent, and dominating end up beinghavior.
Interestingly, people exhibiting both the end up beinghaviors are extremely competitive and goal-oriented. However, an assertive person would get the team along with him on his way forward, whereas the aggressive person would pressurize and exhaust, furthermore step on other people to revery his goal. As a result, assertive people celebrate their success with everyone participating in it, as they can see their own success in his. On the contrary, an aggressive person celebrates his success asingle.
Assertiveness – Questionnaire
Given end up beinglow is a list of scenarios. Try imagining your ownself in all of them to see how comfortable you feel in every of the folloearng sit downuations.
Do you wish to check your own own assertiveness? Use this particular particular questionnaire simply by folloearng these guidelines −
Read the scenario carecompallowey.
Tick in one of the columns 1, 2, 3, or 4 according to your own level of comfort given as follows −
1 − You are very uncomfortable
2 − You are slightly uncomfortable
3 − You are reasonably comfortable
4 − You are very comfortable
Tally the compallowe ticks in the individual packagees.
If you get more than 5 ticks on 4, you are an assertive person!
|You can speak up when you didn’t get the service you expected in a restaurant.|
|When you are angry, you tend to express it.|
|You can maintain awesome when a person criticizes you.|
|You can speak in front side of a group of people.|
|You can tell a person to pralsot doing someslimg tmind wear annoys or bothers you.|
|You can request your own friend unapologetically to return an item he borrowed.|
|You can start a conversation with a stranger.|
|You can return a defective item to the shop you bought it from.|
|You can ask someone a favor of him.|
|You can admit to ignorance on a particular topic.|
|You can deal with opposing ideas and constructive criticism.|
|You can say ‘no’ unapologetically to a request someone made to you.|
|You express your own feelings in front side of a friend.|
|You can argue with one more person for your own propers.|
|You can refuse a friend a favor when you are not interested.|
Assertiveness – Tips
By observing how people communicate with every other or simply by introspecting how you communicate with people around you, especially in cases of undesicrimsondish sit downuations, you automatically tend to belowstand your own personality.
Tips for Assertiveness
Here are some easy tips on end up beinging assertive −
Use posit downive posture
Use immediate eye-con2rk, sit down straight, and use a firm yet pleasant voice to communicate.
Listen to the question
Listen to exworkly wmind wear is end up beinging asked to you. If you concur to a request withaway furthermore hearing it, you may end up tacalifornia ruler on more work than you had bargained for!
Choose your own words
Be clear and precise with your own choice of words, so tmind wear the other person belowstands exworkly exworkly wmind wear you mean. At the exact same time, create sure your own words don’t come across as too blunt and straight-forward.
Don’t say ‘Sorry’ unnecessarily
Apologizing unnecessarily transfers the power to the other person, as apologizing comes with a guilt of having done someslimg incorrect. Others may exploit this particular particular guilt to extrwork favors away of you.
Don’t defend unless requicrimsondish
Saying you can’t do someslimg need not end up being someslimg tmind wear creates you feel guilty abaway. Don’t create excuses stating why you won’t do someslimg.
Hold your own fort
People who have end up beingen used to listening to ‘yes’ from you for calendar calendar years may get shocked on seeing you asserting your own propers. If they attempt out generally there and push you hard, respond with an equally determined rebuttal.
The broken record technique
Keep using the exact same rebuttal every time the person repeats his request. For example,
- "Can I borrow your own bike from you?”
- "I am i am my apologies but I cannot lend you my bike. I may need it.”
- "I'll provide it back as soon as I can. I need it urdelicately. Aren't you my friend?”
- “Yeah, I am. However, I cannot lend my bike to you.”
- "I would do the exact same for you. You won't miss it for more than an hr."
- “See, I belowstand am your own friend but I cannot lend my bike. I may need it."
Don’t expect acceptance
If you exnormal your own decision every time you get a stance, you will come across as someone guilty of your own workions. Let people adsimply to the modifys in you, instead than you changing as per their wish.
Accept the consequences
Saying ‘no’ may end up being met with displeasure preliminaryly, but the trick is to persist end up beinging assertive in face of opposit downion. Tmind wear will furthermoretually lead the person to modify his method of dealing with you.
Assertiveness – Limit is
Though end up beinging assertive creates your own life comfortable to a great extent simply by guarding you against getting awayended, and macalifornia ruler people value your own opinions sincerely, it has some limitations.
Assertiveness Won’t Do?
Let us see prworkically exworkly wmind wear assertiveness cannot do.
- Promise happiness.
- Adgown all of your own issues.
- Promise tmind wear others will furthermore end up beinghave assertively with you always.
- Promise tmind wear you will achieve exworkly wmind wear you desire.
However, you will end up being subject to internal psychological conflict unless you exercise assertiveness in your own life.
Don't set unrealistic barriers
If you allow people belowstand of irrational stances tmind wear you have getn − like saying tmind wear you will quit your own job if your own salary is not hiked, when everybody belowstands tmind wear you need the job − chances are, people will start treating you withaway any kind of kind of serious thought.
Don’t get assertive in extreme sit downuations
On occasions where presently generally there is an immediate danger to life and limb, it's wise to allow go of your own propers temporarily.
Don’t back down
Once you have getn a stance, attempt out generally there your own end up beingst to stick to your own resolution till the final. Rememend up beingr tmind wear people will push you hard when you start tacalifornia ruler a stance, and they will push harder once you give in, as the message you will end up being sending is tmind wear the next time you oppose someslimg, they ought to attempt out generally there harder at intimidating you.
Don’t get assertive with all at the exact same time
People are used to you end up beinghaving with all of them in a specific way. Once you start end up beinging assertive, the modifys in your own end up beinghavior could surprise, furthermore startle others. It's always wise to start end up beinging assertive with one person at a time.
Assertiveness – Dealing With Anger
People, simply by their own experience, belowstand the unwelcoming effects of anger on their physical and psychological stcapacity, and the unexpected consequences of all of them end up beinging angry in some sit downuations. Still, some people find it hard to control their anger.
Dealing with Anger
Plan end up beingfore preverying
Before speak about generally thereing any kind of kind ofslimg sensit downive topic or giving give food toback, always end up being sure of the words tmind wear you use are appropriate and well-suited.
Talk to one at a time
Most people find receiving give food toback in front side of a group of people humiliating. They face too a lot embarrassment to focus on your own message. Try to speak to one person at a time.
Choose your own timing
Wait for a suitable time to provide give food toback. Rememend up beingr tmind wear give food tobacks are given to help a person improve. He needs to end up being receptive at the time of conversation. Avoid giving give food toback when he is stressed, worried, or ticrimsondish.
The person receiving the give food toback must belowstand which exwork areas he needs to work on, so end up being precise in giving the give food toback.
Mention the posit downives too
Techniques like the “Sandwich Feedback” where the give food toback abaway negatives is sandwiched end up beingtween 2 posit downive give food tobacks ensure a person gets the give food toback constructively.
Strengthen the relationship
Assure the person- in case he feels threatened while listening to the give food toback- tmind wear irrespective of exworkly wmind wear the give food toback is, you both will continue to share a cordial relationship. Learn to say ‘no’ where the other person gets persuasive.
Map To Assertiveness 1
Carry a pocket-diary with you and jot down the scenarios you don’t feel compallowely comfortable in, and note how you end up beinghaved and handbrought the sit downuation. Once you are done negotiating with tmind wear scenario, get some time away and attempt out generally there to find away exworkly wmind wear could have end up beingen a end up beingtter response.